"Yes Oprah, I'm living my best life - BUT..."

...I should have stopped to get a business degree, first."

Yes, it's the most horrific time of the month for me. No my fellow females, not THAT time of the month, I mean monthly accounting & invoicing time for Dee's Dogwalking & Petsitting. Always done sometime between the 29th and 31st...generally the 31st at 11:50p.m., otherwise known as the LAST FRIGGING MINUTE POSSIBLE.

Let me go back to jump: I majored in play writing and broadcast journalism in college - for most of my professional life I worked in media, then in what can be described as either a really early mid-life crisis, or a wonderful wake up call on life's true meaning, I ditched it all to start my own dog walking company. What's missing here is any smidgen of a clue, whatsoever, on the mechanics of running a business, or any sense of accounting and/or money matters at all.

But hey, I didn't let that stop me!

The so-not-state-of-the-art home office I set up for myself to do my "bookkeeping" looks like something out of the show "Barney Miller" from the 70's. There's a wooden desk, lots of notebooks and sheets of paper strewn around. There's a stand-up metallic file cabinet, and a big board hanging on my wall where all the important stuff gets written so I will remember it. There is an "in-box" (yes, for incoming, important PAPERS) and an "out-box", also known as the recycling bin and/or trash can.

There are no typewriters like Wojo or Harris used on "Barney Miller" - but my computer can really be compared to one because it is so damned slow that I have to hit the keys very methodically, one at at time, in order for text to appear at all on the screen. If I make a mistake, screw it, the delete button doesn't work - there is no going back. Really, the only thing that makes my office any different from NYPD's 12th precinct is that there are females behind the desks (well one, me) and there's no 'pen' filled with wine-o's, working girls and muggers.

I do have a television in my "office" - anyone who has worked in broadcast media for any period of time probably suffers from the same disease I have of 'not being able to function without constant auditory & visual stimulation at all time'. Yes, this tv is most often tuned into Animal Planet, but there are occasional diversions, like "Teen Mom" re-runs, "Oprah" (of course, see above title) and today's run on AMC of all the 'Halloween' movies made, ever.

I like thrillers, but not horror. Yet Halloween 1-5 is helping distract me from what is pressing at the moment: blood chilling, terrifying, nightmare inducing accounting & invoicing, and for that reason alone these frigging movies might as well be Academy Award winning films, as riveted as I am.

So, non-business-degree-holding-Deanna continues to suffer, month after month, until around April 20th when my whole hot mess gets handed over to my Awesome Accountant, Andy.

Ever year he takes pity on me, helps me decipher my random writings on multiple notebook covers, and gives me "The Speech"
-"Really, you should get an accounting program, there are tons out there ..."(blah blah blah)
-"You could get more tax deductions if kept a ledger of..." (blah blah blah blah)
-"Did you use the excel spreadsheets I emailed you last year to keep track of..."(blah blah blah)
-"All you have to do is call the IRS and set up quarterly..." (SUPER blah blah blah blah blah blah)

My right arm, super Dee's Associate (and friend), Lisa, also tries to save me from my monthly pain by giving me awesome, practical advice that would help my business flourish immensely. Seriously, I would be edging towards Fortune 500 if I listened to her. She will say "Dee, when X happens, do Y!" And following the trend of Lisa's advice being 100% right, 110% of the time, she is correct. What she doesn't know is that anything requiring me to work more with math, whether my solar powered calculator is fully charged or not, just ain't gonna happen.

Speaking of Lisa, about the only thing that I make sure to get done is to pay the Associates relatively on time. Sometimes I think that if I didn't have payroll, the months would go by and my lights (or tv) would have to get cut off before I'd work up an invoice to a client.

So, all of this being said, 2011 may bring business course or two at Apex Tech, or the West GA equivalent of it, my way. Much to Awesome Accountant Andy's surprise, I am attempting to get all of my first quarter tax info done by mid Nov, which means I will only have to do the remaining 3 quarters by April (or May, let's be real here). Lisa and I picked up an IT guy at a dog show that gave me his card..he says he can help bring my computer system out of the 70's - now I just have to figure out what stack of paper it is buried under so I can call him.

It is now 5:48 on Halloween night. Yes, all client invoicing should be done within the next 6 and a half hours or so, but trick or treating calls, as does "Halloween Part 5". Clients, please forgive me when your invoices are a little bit late...AGAIN!